So you’ve crossed the commitment threshold! You’ve decided the one you’re with is the one you want to stay with. At this point, you’ve probably noticed your awareness of engagement ring subject matter has heightened. Now is the time to really tune into what she is subtly (or maybe not so subtly!) telling you she wants. We know exploring and picking out an engagement ring is a roller coaster—read on for some advice.

Understand Her Taste in Engagement Ring

To pick the perfect ring you’ll need to become an information sponge. Does she love her mother’s heirloom engagement ring? Has she mentioned she thinks her friends’ over-sized halo setting is tacky? Listen. Ask questions. Remember the answers. If she isn’t actively talking about rings yet, maybe you need to get a little cheekier. Chances are her Pinterest board or browser history will tell you everything you need to know about the styles she’s been looking at.

As you’re shopping, remember to take YOU out of the equation. You think she looks best in white gold but she’s riding the rose gold train. Guess what? Rose gold it is. It may be your wallet but it’s her finger and it’s her choice. You are merely the facilitator. Ask yourself, “What does she truly want?”—and then find that.

Diamond retailers make it easy for you by displaying rings that are set to buy as they are. However, remember that going custom is not necessarily more effort. If you think your boo might appreciate (or even require) the extra mile of personalization, don’t settle. If you like the setting of one engagement but the gemstone of another, ask the jewelers what they can do. It can sometimes be a more expensive route, but not always. It typically isn’t outrageous for the value you get.

Do Not Hurry for Buying Engagement Ring

Practice going into ring shops, asking a few questions, and walking back out. It is easy to get distracted by the first few rings you see. They are impressive and sparkly! You’re going to be tempted to drop a bundle on the first stone you see and get onto one knee. But taking time will pay off. Diamonds are not created equal. You need to think about the 4C’s (cut, carat, clarity, and color) as well as ethical and sustainable considerations. Take a moment to really feel it out, trust me, she’ll appreciate it. Another way to make sure you’re seeing all the available options is to investigate online retailers, like DiamondNet. Being able to browse through every style and stone removes the temptation for instant gratification. It gives you time to think rather than buying the ring straight away on a whim.

Consider Your Budget for Engagement Ring

Decide on a practical budget but don’t get stuck. Perhaps consider a sliding scale budget so as to not prematurely limit your pool of engagement ring options. At the same time, know the line you absolutely don’t want to cross. Money doesn’t grow on trees, after all. Ensure your dollar goes the farthest it can by shopping around for your best option and talking to a few different retailers.

Try not to burn out all your romance and energy on the ring shopping! Even the most ideal ring won’t sparkle if the proposal falls flat. What is going to make her heart melt? Does she want a big splashy spectacle or would an at home, private gesture go further? Read her like a book. Again, listen to her opinions on other proposals. Most of the time the answers are pretty close to the surface.